i am fun and people like me

i live in an old house in the historic part of town. my house has thin walls and i can hear pretty much everything that happens out front. i’ve never lived in a house like this so it’s really been messing with my head. i will hear cars pull up and think they’re for me. i’ll jump off my couch and look out the window just to see the tail lights of an unknown car driving down the street.

that’s depressing but when i hear a pedestrian walk by it’s even worse. i’ll hear the foot steps on the sidewalk and the quite murmur of people talking. i’ll jump up and swing open my front door thinking,
“oh, who could this be? i wasn’t expecting anyone at this time.”
two strangers walking past my house, startled by the sound of my door being slung open, turn and look at me. it’s clear now they were not coming to visit me. but i just threw my door open and made eye contact with these people. i can’t quietly take a step back into my house and shut the door. that would be weird. so, i walk out on my front porch, which has nothing on it, and act like i forgot something. i’m looking around and making these inquisitive faces like, “is it over here? oh, i guess not. what about over here? hmm, not here either. maybe it’s inside.” but the whole time i’m really thinking, “Oh, please don’t think I’m crazy. – (have i looked in this corner long enough for them to think i’m actually looking for something?) – OH, PLEASE DON’T THINK I’M CRAZY…”

but, i’m getting better. i’m actually starting to ignore the sounds coming from outside. that being said, i started to laugh really loud when i’m watching TV alone. sense i can hear the sounds coming from the outside, the people outside must be able to hear the sounds coming from the inside. so, if i laugh really loud, people walking pass my house will hear me. it’s like i’m waving at strangers and yelling, “hey, look at me. i’m fun!” and who knows, maybe one of those strangers will hear how much fun i’m having and come to visit me?

tips for getting free drinks

tip: stand close (when a person is buying a round of shots, it’s easy to get mixed in with the group if you’re standing close)

tip: ask the person what he or she is drinking (if you tell a person you’ve never had what he or she is having there is a good chance he or she will buy you one)

tip: just ask the person to buy you a drink (people are inherently good. my evidence? the fact that a lot of people have bought me drinks just because I jokingly said, “So, you want to buy me a drink?”)

tip: be attractive (this only works for females)

Tags: bar

I’ve always had a fear of pooping in public and this is why. Look closely and you will see an old man peeking between the crack in stall.

Tags: pooping